My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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