It's like God shit irony all over that family
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
