So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she smelled like a LAN party
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
