I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
