Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize