you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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