I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
