I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
