I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
