Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
smell my finger.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
