the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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