she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
