I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
