I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize