i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
