I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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