Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize