i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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