the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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