i wish my penis had a tongue
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
