There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
