I look better un-naked...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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