Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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