I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
