I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Randomize
