i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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