Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
