It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
