i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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