I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
