90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize