I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
