oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
