So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have post one night stand depression
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