just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
