did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
