____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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