pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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