Betty ford says i'm here all night
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There's always time for handjobs
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
