You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
