I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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