The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
