just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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