just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
