he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
im on a boat
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