Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
