return my video game
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
