??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize