Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
it's like heaven, but drunker
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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