Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
