I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
