I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
