Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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