Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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