i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
