You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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