kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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