whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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