someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
