I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Barsexuality is the new black.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
