glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
