Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I feel like abortions should bother me more
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
