Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
