They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize