I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
