i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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